There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
