matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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