I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
