she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
