At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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