Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
