do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
handjob tips. give me some.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
