'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
