Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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