and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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