Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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