i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
