So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wear drunk well.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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