What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize