We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
