i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
