Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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