if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
