if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
