good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
