Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
