It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
