make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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