We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I forgot wine drunk hurts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
