so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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