Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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