Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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