I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
