I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
