i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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