dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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