he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
