mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
