Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
