And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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