i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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