508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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