My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had to cum in my sink.
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