U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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