He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
