i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As shirtless as possible
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
