why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
