I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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