Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do vagina's smell?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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