stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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