No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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