apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
