the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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