At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
