If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
