we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there was a trapeze. enough said
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
