If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
