Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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