did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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