had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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