I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
