Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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