Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
