OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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