she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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