If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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