i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
