it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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