sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
