i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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