He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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