How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
