dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
