Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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