oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
