conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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