I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh god it's open bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
